Love expands intelligenceHere’s an excerpt on Resistance from new book Howtogetbetternow: Work makes tangible our eternal significance. Want to raise your self-esteem? Find and do your meaningful work! Meaningful work will raise your self-esteem faster than all the self-help strategies in the world. And while we’re on the subject a pet peeve of mine is discussing self-esteem as a noun. This focuses us on the problems. Thinking of it as a verb focuses us on the solutions! You esteem yourself every day when you get up in the morning and begin your work. Please don’t forget that! If you haven’t yet found your work, start by doing something hard that you have always really wanted to do ─ see how much work it is ─ also notice how much better you feel. Get in flow with your work! You might be thinking after all that talk about Resistance, and how much it hates your work, that this work may be too hard for you! Not so! You know why??? Because Resistance is the Problem!! WE ARE INTERESTED IN ***SOLUTIONS***!!!!!! The Antidote to Resistance: Battling Resistance is focusing on the problem. Battling will only make it bigger and stronger, give it power over you! The most effective antidote to Resistance is Acceptance. You must accept the resistance! That may sound hard too . . . But it’s not so hard if you take it one step at a time; you’ve already learned the process with your emotions: When you suspect that you are meeting Resistance: 1.Notice and acknowledge how you are feeling and what you are thinking. 2.Name the feelings. 3.Experience the feelings until they move through you. Resistance will begin to melt. If not, repeat the process until it does. Example of Resistance: After you failing to be hired again after sending out multiple resumes and doing loads of interviews, Resistance may have you think: “I am discouraged and sad and think that I won’t be able to have what I really want. No one wants to hire me.” Observe how your bossy one has now joined with Resistance in pummeling your little guy with criticisms: “You are too old, you’re too young, haven’t tried hard enough, there’s something wrong with you!” Or, if your bossy one is in a kind and encouraging mood, she may utilize her other weapon: positive thinking– “Buck up, look on the bright side, don’t wallow, you’re better than that, you will eventually get a job.” Sound familiar?? Not so helpful either, right? Instead of giving your attention to your bossy critic’s messages, just notice her . . . or acknowledge him . . . Say, Howdy bossy one. I’m going to shower you with lots of vacation time today. Then, tune in to your feelings: of sadness, discouragement, fear, anger, hope, confusion, and hopelessness . . . Some of us, maybe most, are very afraid to feel our feelings, thinking that if we do they will never leave, and that feeling them will ultimately destroy us. Thankfully, this is not the case. Let your bossy one know that you appreciate her (his) vigor with this matter, but that you will handle things for now. You may even suggest a well-deserved nap for your Bossy one. This whole process may sound silly to you. But I promise it will work, if you persist. Then, with the bossy one napping, speak to your little guy gently, the way you would to a scared 5-year-old child. 1. It’s ok. I’m here for you. 2. We will do this together. 3. You’ve got me now. You’re not alone. 4. I love you and have your best interest at heart ─ I’ve got your back, little buddy! 5. If we sit here and feel these yucky feelings, they won’t stay forever. They will move along after a while, and we will feel much better. 6. Speak to her (him) the way Winnie the Pooh speaks to Piglet or Christopher Robin speaks to Pooh: “We’ll be friends forever, won’t we Pooh?” asked Piglet. “Even longer,” Pooh answered. The feelings will move through your little guy and the real you will be eventually be in a quiet, peaceful space. This process gets easier with practice, and I promise that it is the door through resistance.

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