A is for Ask. Ask for what you want in your life. We’re told to do this by counselors. I tell people to do this. I say something like: “Your husband won’t know what you want unless you ask him for it. You know that most men are not very good at reading minds.”
Sound simple? Not for me it’s not, because when I ask of another person, and he or she ignores me or says no, I am vulnerable–unmasked as a person with a need.
A person with a need is very vulnerable. Sometimes I ache or get angry when folks say no, even if they let me down easily. I get a sort of vulnerability hangover that’s a combination of confusion and regret and shame and fear and relief (for doing the hard thing of asking.) I don’t like to ask. I like to be asked. Who doesn’t? Asking is hard, because we are baring our tender underbellies of longing to others. We allow them to have power over us, the power to say no.
Resilience is what is needed if you are going to do a lot of asking. So why do I keep asking? This is a really good question I’ve just asked myself!! I ask because I like to see if I can open a door. I want to know what’s behind the door. Well . . . I do and I don’t.
But I’m an incurable optimist so I keep asking. Sometimes I think I’m a glutton for punishment. Though I’m sure I’ve been told yes many more times than I’ve been told no, the “no”s stick to my brain like Velcro and the “yes”s I barely remember. The hard lesson that I have to learn over and over is to ask and then to allow whatever happens after the asking to be just what it is without judging it as a good answer or a bad answer.
Is it worth it to ask and allow, knowing it may lead to anger and anxiety? Ask and you shall receive? Where did I hear that? But we don’t always receive what we ask for, do we?
And there’s the old saw “It doesn’t hurt to ask. The worst thing that can happen is that they’ll say no.” What!??? Holy mother of all that is sacred (I really am asking for Her help here.) What is more devastating than being told “no” or being completely ignored, or worst of all, ridiculed for the question.
Asking is just about the most scary thing we can do. That’s why I thought I would start this ABC’s of Howtogetbetternow blog with it. If you can ask, and somehow allow what comes after the asking, you can do just about anything!!